La locura de la vida

Well, it has been awhile since I last posted something of real substance that was not instigated by some questions that people left me. Last night I received some phonecalls that were very disturbing. I tried to talk with a friend whom it was clear they were having a very hard time and something is really wrong. I asked them what was wrond but they did not want to talk about it, it was heartbreaking not being able to help. I called another friend to find out what was up with my friend with the issue and they told me that it wasn't good and that they weren't able to tell me because they were sworn to secrecy. Although I am told that i will be receiving a phone call today where this friend will hopefully tell me what is going on. I am afraid that it was something to do with either sexual assault or a hate crime. Either way, I might just have to ride back to La Crosse tonight and woop some fuckin' ass. As much as it is great to have graduated and moved on from UW - La Crosse, it is also hard because I left some really good people there that don't have a great support structure. In a way I feel guilty that some are going through a rough time now and I am not there...I feel I should be there either to experience along with them or be somewhat of a shield or at least a shoulder to cry on...

Lately I have been having ridiculous mood swings (as Pinky and some other may be able to attest to) that have me really worried. I haven't felt this bad inside since my junior year of high school and all three years of middle school. I do not want to go back to that place and have fought very hard to not go back there, but I am not sure whether I have the strength and the will to prevent another relapse or episode. I am thinking about going back to therapy (might as well use this kickass insurance while I have it), but I am nervous that it will turn out to be as pointless and ineffective as the last three times I have attempted therapy. And, as childish and stupid as it may seem, I am also afraid of what people might say about me when I tell them (isn't it ironic that I am posting it?) especially if there comes any sort of diagnosis. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know...

I feel as if I am too negative in my postings and that they should be more fun and frivilous...isn't that what blogs are meant for? Maybe, just maybe, I will have to impose a rule that only every other post can be serious. Who knows, we'll see.

Clare - I hope you are doing wonderfully and are not filling your lists with too much to do.

Colette - give me a call, I really would like to hang out with you.

Pinky - get some rest, do some homework, have a juice box, and stop being gwumpy.

Jessie - you definitely need to get some rest and make sure Pinky does some homework over
break.

Daniel - you need to get a new phone or give me a number at which I can call you at so that I can
talk with you.